Chapter 66 - Happiness? Disappointment? Longing?

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SEPTEMBER 2015

Normally Peter looked forward to the first day of school. He would cross the days off his calendar with a big red ink pen and unpack and repack his bag in anticipation.

This year was different. His '12 months of Ironman' calendar he had been gifted last Christmas sat on the wall untouched, and his bag was somewhere in his wardrobe gathering dust.

He woke up cold, even under his duvet was ice cold. Peter felt that his bones were intrinsically cold. Peter tried to shake it off and made his way to the shower, running it as hot as it would go. 

He dried his hair and threw on some loose jeans and a hoodie, opening up his wardrobe in search of his backpack. He spotted a certain hoodie and pushed past it to grab the maroon rucksack, shutting the wardrobe with a slam. Peter refused to wear the hoodie.

He had crept into her room one night a few weeks ago, having to walk far now they weren't next to each other anymore.

He had been shocked to find that it looked the exact same as the tower, all her furniture had been moved over.

He checked her desk and the photos were the same. The same half-used shampoo bottle was in her shower and the same pillows with small traces of her hair on them. Even the same packet of double-stuffed Oreos was inside her bedside table as well as all the other junk she kept in there. The Oreos were now stale but he had left them anyway.

He grabbed the hoodie from her wardrobe and left, slipping it over his head as he closed his own bedroom door.

He had wanted to feel closer to her and hoped the hoodie would do that for him but instead, it felt like he was suffocating in it, the smell of her being too strong. He ripped the hoodie from his body and shoved it on a hanger in his own closet.

Peter pushed the memory away and slung his bag over his shoulder, shoving a few books in before he zipped it up and made his way to the kitchen, expecting to find it empty.

"Morning Pete," Pepper greeted him, waltzing by in a flurry of pastel pant-suit and strawberry blonde hair. She scuffed his hair as she passed, kissed his head and then disappeared out the door, no doubt on her way to work. She called out for him to have a good first day back but was cut off by the door slamming as she left, the words were implied and he appreciated them nonetheless.

Peter liked the now emptiness of the kitchen, grabbing the brown bag labeled 'Pete's lunch love mom x' that Pepper had made him. She had been spending a lot of time doing a transaction with a British company recently and had decided to steal their method of communicating with x's and o's, deciding it was classy. 

He chucked it in his bag before beginning to make his way for the door.

"Not having any breakfast?"

Peter whipped his head around, instantly on high alert.

Natasha lowered her book and looked over at him. She had been sitting by the window and he hadn't even noticed her.

"Not hungry" He replied, sticking his hands into his pockets.

"You should eat anyway" She scolded, folding the page and shutting the book.

"I think that it'll come straight back up if I eat anything" he shrugged.

"First-day nerves?" She asked, a mix of sympathy and pain running through her tone. She would give anything to be having this conversation with her daughter.

"Something like that," Peter replied and she gave him a half smile. "I don't really want to go, Mom said I could stay here if I wasn't ready."

Natasha raised a brow.

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