A Furious Chick

Cookie Crumbles

I saw piles of people wiping tears from their faces. Everyone was dressed in black. Black. Such a ugly color. But it was Katherine's favorite. I stared out the window, seeing time go by and people moving around me but I didn't feel it. I didn't want time to go on without her.

"Brian."

I turned my head slowly. Dom was entering the room. He looked pained. Katherine and Dom were friends. She trusted him. Kaleb, too.

"How are you?" He gestured to the chairs.

I sat down. He sat across from me.

"I'm fine." I used one of Katherine's tricks.

"Letty has the kids downstairs. They don't know what's going on." Dom explained to me.

"How do I tell them?" I looked at him. "That I'm the reason their mother is dead? Their uncle? Their aunt can no longer walk or run. And it's all because of me."

"You really think that?" Dom asked.

"She didn't want anymore battles. She just wanted peace. And we had it and she was content. And then I run off to fight expecting her not to follow? And now look. I'm not just burying Katherine today. I'm also burying Kaleb. It's all because of me."

"So you went from blaming Alina to blaming yourself. Who next?"

"Fuck you, Dom." I hissed.

"Katherine made a sacrifice. For all of us. Nothing you or me or anyone could've made her change her mind. Katherine was chaotic but she wasn't stupid. She knew what she was doing when she did it and she did it for you! So at least one of you could kiss you kids goodnight. We were losing out there! And she made the ultimate sacrifice for us."

I wasn't in the mood for a life lesson.

"Here." Dom pulled an envelope out of his pocket. "Katherine left five envelopes in the kid's overnight bag. This one was addressed to you. The others, to the kids."

He stood up and gave me a pat on the shoulder before walking out and closing the door. I sighed and looked at the envelope, slowly opening it and pulling out a piece of paper. Her script was so beautiful.

As a child, love was not something that comes naturally. It came as a reward. If I hit a target, if I landed a punch, if I ran a mile in good time....I was shown love. I never knew what love was, actual love, until I met you. Until I gave myself to you in ways I'd never imagine. With all the mood swings, the punches, the blood, the anger, the depression...your love was there. And I never had to fight for it. I wasn't the best wife to you but you must know that you changed my life in ways I needed. I no longer dread waking up, I no longer spend nights awake crying in mental agony. I no longer hurt. Your smile, your heart and your soul lifted me. Obviously I'm dead if your reading this...and that's okay. Everyone dies. But I cannot die knowing that you believe I'm not proud of you. Because I am. You don't run to conflict, you don't make impulsive decisions and you are loyal. You went from a punk in the LAPD to a racer, to a damn FBI agent, to a Nobody Official to a husband and a father. And I am proud to call you my husband. And as my husband, I need you to let me rest and you take care of our babies. Guide them into good. Don't let Brooke bully the others, make sure Quinn stops sucking her thumb by next year, make Ruby eat her vegetables and make Jonathan be wild. Make our kids extraordinary. I love you. In the ugly romantic kind of way. The hideous Titanic type of love. And that love is going to let me rest. I don't know where I'm going or what I'll be doing but I'll be waiting for you. Live the best life you possibly can with our children and you can tell me all about it when you see me again.